So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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