ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i dont even know how to be here
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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