I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
