I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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