Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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