What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
