I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
