I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
