I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
