The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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