you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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