He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
