we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
