my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
