Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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