your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
