omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
