At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
