i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
