I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This baby is an asshole
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
