Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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