think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
