Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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