i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
