i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
