we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
