he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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