I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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