I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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