Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
