I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
