but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
