remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
