Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
