my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
