Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
