Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
