yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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