On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
