p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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