Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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