how can u be prego again
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
