I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
