Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
