I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
