Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
