Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
