when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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