oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
