she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
