I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
