And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
