Midget sex pt 2 tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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