she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Alive.
So much puke
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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