i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
