Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
